Moderator: Welcome to the Democratic Debate. Let’s get started. My first question is for former Senator John Edwards. After the assasination of Benazir Bhutto in Pakistan and the unrest that followed, voters are wondering how candidates would handle this situation. What would you do to stabilize the country and keep their nuclear weapons out of the hands of terrorists?
Edwards: Well, in order to solve a problem, you have to get to the root of the issue. The truth is, there are two Pakistans. One for rich oil sheikh fatcats, and the other for poor Alladin-like peasants who work at mills, just like my grandfather, grandmother, father, aunts, uncles, and many little orphan children. Until there is one Pakistan instead of two, this problem will never be solved.
Moderator: Senator Clinton, a portion of the Democrat electorate believe you’re corrupt and power-hungry, and your grating voice makes you unpalatable to most voters. What assurance can you give them you can overcome the “likeability” factor and score a victory for Democrats?
Hillary: You know, it’s not easy … [turns around and applies eyedrops] … that hurts my feelings. [tears streaming down] America deserves a leader with 35 years of experience, and I can bring that experience to bear and crush — [stony faced] — I mean work hard to implement change. You can’t even begin to imagine the kind of changes I will implement! [evil cackle]
Edwards: It’s too bad people don’t like you Hillary. Not everyone can be as pretty as me though. [tosses hair back and forth]
Moderator: You are quite stunning Mr. Edwards. Anyway, on to Governor Richardson. You obviously don’t have the girl-next-door good looks of Edwards or the charisma of Obama, but you must have something to bring to the table. Please explain to us why you should be President.
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